Sexual Harassment Hurts

We know what sexual harassment is. It is unwanted and inappropriate gestures, looks or touches. Jokes, e-mails, or text messages that are unwelcome and uncomfortable. If another student stands or sits too close, and you ask them to move because you feel odd or uncomfortable and they refuse your request then that person is sexually harassing you. A person who wants to have a conversation that is inappropriate and sexually driven and has power over you is sexually harassing you. Before I was sexually harassed, I never thought about the feelings that a victim experiences from their harassment. Of course, I have read about it, heard other people talk about it and watched it on television, but it is not something students talk about much. I have always thought that if someone ever sexually harassed me, I would stand up for myself, but when it actually happened, I kept it secret.

I did not ask for the e-mails, phone calls, looks and inappropriate words, but this person had slowly befriended me. He told me what a good student I was and invited me to discuss school and new projects. I was excited! Slowly, so slowly that I did not realize what was happening, the conversations turned from academic subjects to his personal life. Before I knew what was happening, I was listening to detailed descriptions of his sexual problems.

Although I was confused by his chosen topics of conversations, it wasn't until he grabbed me and put his hands on me in an inappropriate manner that I realized what was really going on.

Prior to the physical stage of the harassment, I had odd feelings, an intuition that made my internal alarms go off, but I put those feelings to the back of my mind. I did not want to believe that my harasser would actually have bad intentions towards me since he seemed to want only to help me in my studies and for me to be his friend by listening to his problems. I tried to laugh off the inappropriate behavior because I did not know how else to handle it. I tried to back away, but the harder I tried, the more this person seemed to need me. The words spoken and the e-mails sent to me became more and more sexually explicit. I stayed away from many of my friends because I did not want to tell them. I even feared telling my harasser how much I was being hurt emotionally and that I wanted it to stop. I questioned my future, my career choice, and my life and wondered if I had just been lying to myself about being a strong woman. I wanted to run away and hide because I was so ashamed and felt guilty about how I let this all happen. I felt like it was my fault.

I believe that if my story can help other women and men (yes, men get sexually harassed too), then I have accomplished something. If something similar is happening to you or a friend, speak out: tell someone. Say NO. Say that you do not like it. Say that it makes you uncomfortable. Do not worry about feeling stupid or being picked on. Your self-worth is too important to worry about what your harasser thinks about you. If your harasser thinks it's just a joke, let them know that they are wrong. A strong part of me was lost for a long time. I lost my passion to speak out as a strong woman. Now I realize that he had silenced me with his personal and private conversations and my shame that I was trying to be his friend. After much help, I have reclaimed my voice. I will once again encourage others to speak up, speak out and claim their Voice.

USCA has a policy on Sexual Harassment in the Student Handbook. If you feel that you have been sexually harassed it is important that you talk to someone about it. Counseling services are offered in the B&E building and are free and confidential. If you fear for your safety it is imperative that you report your harasser to university police or the administration.